Sturm und drang. So throw me a donut.

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Horror! The Horror!

That's my fridge. It's scary empty. I'm not sure I can keep perishables sufficiently cold for five days, so whatever is left on Sunday goes in the dumpster. Or home with a neighbor. I have tonight's menu all ready to go for watching the opening ceremony for the Olympics: Sandwiches and chips. And the rest of that bottle of Irish Cream next to the milk.

And that's the cupboard. Chocolate milk, mashed potatoes, or mac & cheese anyone? Oh, and ramen noodles and Tums. The rest of the canned and boxed food is packed in a couple of boxes, the spices are safely packed in a tub in case anything breaks, and then there's the junk food for the cooler. Just imagine: Five glorious days of complimentary breakfasts at the hotels (which means I will be making two trips to the buffet - one trip to eat and another trip to stuff my purse with bagels, bananas and mini boxes of Fruit Loops), Gatorade and breakfast bars for lunch out of the cooler in the back seat of my truck, and diner food for dinner. By the third day, I will be so constipated from sitting on my butt for 10 hours a day and eating junk food that I fear for...for...well, for myself and anyone near me in the rest stop bathroom. You know how people write to etiquette columnists and complain about people who stink up the restroom and make all sorts of strange noises AND talk on the cell phones during a time when most people are just trying not to touch anything in the stall while they relieve themselves? I'll bring my own matches and YOU just shut up about me on my phone. And if I need toilet paper because I chose my stall poorly based on the amount of scratchy, cheap toilet paper in the malfunctioning toilet paper dispenser, I'll loudly ask for some toilet paper instead of just waving my hand around under the divider. I'd rather not be arrested for solicitation.

In between packing boxes and wiping hand prints off the walls in the hallway, I turned in my last two portfolios to my English professor. All of my work is due by Sunday afternoon, but I was finished so I turned it all in. I got one of my papers back this morning "to be fixed." It is a literature paper and I need ONE QUOTE to back up ONE PARAGRAPH in this 10-page paper. After six weeks of polishing up the papers for this class, turning them in over and over again to be checked over, NOW I have to come up with ONE QUOTE. It's really all my fault. I don't have the book the paper is based on - I either sold it back to the book store or threw it away - but I should have bought another copy of the book on Amazon and kept it in my filing cabinet, just in case, when I started this class in June. Instead, I looked all over town, called everyone I know, tried to find a professor who might have a copy, and even tried to download a digital copy from Washington Anytime Library. No dice. Nothing worked. My computer is juuuuussst about ready to croak so the digital download didn't work and I could not figure out what was screwed up. There's no way I'm going to make up a quote, so I gave in and ordered a copy of the book from Amazon and paid for it to be delivered tomorrow. TOMORROW for $26 + $10 for the book. Whatever. I need it, they have it and will drop it on my porch before noon. I think it will break down to about $1.50 a word.  

I don't know why it bothers me...I spend far more on gas for my truck, pastries at the bakery and downloads on iTunes. I should have kept the stupid book because the paper I wrote for that literature class was the best one, by far, of any of my literature papers. And that's saying a lot. I struggled with the literature classes. I love to read, but I hate writing papers about what I've read. By the time my classmates finish flogging the dead horse of some book most people barely skimmed, I would rather not continue the torture and write eight or nine pages of completely uninspired crap. But we all have our crosses to bear. 

And now I have to get back to cleaning. Whatever I don't use out of this box goes out to the "Free" table in front of my apartment Sunday morning. And don't forget to watch the opening ceremony for the Olympics!!

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