Sturm und drang. So throw me a donut.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Pimps, Hookers and Johns, Oh My! Or, the night Garmin paid for itself...

Let's just say that I was happy to see Fresno in my rear view mirror this morning.

Yesterday, we left Springfield, Oregon. We spent the day driving the length of the Sacramento Valley and the San Joaquin Valley to Fresno. It was pretty up until we passed Sacramento...and then it was just flat, dirty, trashy, poor and depressing. This is where so much of the nation's food comes from?! It looks like the people who work the fields are slave labor. Oh, wait, they ARE slave labor. Wow. So. It was an education.

The best part of yesterday (and the reason why I didn't blog) was the hotel in Fresno. I picked the wrong side of town....Oh did I pick the wrong side of town!! I pulled off the highway, cruised down the street to the address on my Garmin and HOLY FREAKING MOLEY it was a slum AND hookers were trolling the sidewalks and parking lots of the three hotels and Denny's. All the cars were trashed, except for the BMW parked in front of Denny's - and I bet you that was the pimp/drug dealer watching the "girls." The  very best part of the whole experience was when my son said, "Oh, look! The hookers are color coded! All of them are in pink shirts!" And then a really creepy old man shambled up to one of the girls and she nonchalantly led him away to the hotel.

I kept on driving. I shall post my feelings on Yelp about that hotel tonight. A few miles away, where it looked safe to park, I stopped and pulled up hotels on my Garmin and found a nice Best Western on the other side of town (this is why I bought a Garmin and it did not disappoint. I will be writing to them to let them know how much I appreciate this handy little device). After we got to our room, I called the previous hotel and told them I wouldn't be keeping my reservation. The conversation went something like this:

Desk: Hello...

Me:    Good evening. I have a reservation with you, but I won't be keeping it tonight.
Desk: Okay. It's past the cancellation...

Me:    I know I know let me tell you why I am staying at the Best Western on the other side of town. There are herds of hookers trolling the sidewalk and the parking lot in front of your hotel and the hotel and Denny's next door.

Desk: (Immediately said) WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS ON THE SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL.

Me:    Okay. But you ARE responsible for the women using your rooms.

Desk:  There is NO PROSTITUTION HERE.

Me:    Right. Well, just so you know, I will not be bringing my family to your hotel and I will never recommend this place to anyone. And CALL THE COPS!

I will be lodging a complaint with corporate tonight, now that I can think straight and I have cell service. I think it is very suspicious that the desk clerk had such a tight, succinct response instantly ready for me.

  So, we drove to Best Western and checked in. We had a beautiful room on the third floor where we promptly collapsed and went to sleep.

The drive out of Fresno was uneventful and it wasn't until we climbed out of the valley that it got pretty again. By the time we got to Barstow, it was dark and stormy, with occasional downpours, but nice and cool. Kingman, AZ is a cute town, and the drive up to Flagstaff was gorgeous. And we're still laughing about the hookers in Fresno.

I'll load up my pictures and post something later...someone needs to chat with his girlfriend on facebook :)

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